WHAT IS SELF-CRITICISM?
There is a constant chatter of thoughts, images, memories, and experiences in our minds – a conversation between self-confidence and belief in our abilities, and self-doubt. Among these thoughts, self-criticism often emerges as a painful foe, capable of crushing our self-esteem and holding back our personal growth.
Psychological therapy provides an opportunity to relate to the self-critical part of us differently – many clients are surprised to learn the most powerful way to ‘overcome’ self-criticism is not to try to silence it, but rather to understand it, embrace it, and ultimately, relate to it differently.
Self-criticism, when applied in suitable, healthy doses, is not really criticism, but encouragement – it’s the difference between “How could I have done that better so it’s easier next time” and “I’m such an idiot how could I be so stupid?!”. Self-reflection and encouragement doesn’t have to be inherently negative.
Our inner critic stems from our innate desire for self-improvement and excellence and to live our best lives. Yet, when left unchecked, it can morph into a relentless inner critic, bombarding us with doubts, fears, and insecurities. In its worst form, it emerges as self-loathing. This incessant self-scrutiny not only undermines our confidence but also limits our ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and reflection. It also prevents us from learning and embracing the inevitable mistakes we make along the way due to our flawed human nature.
HOW CAN PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPY HELP?
Psychological therapy is a powerful method of improving our self-awareness and emotional well-being. Through various modalities such as Schema Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioural therapy (CBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), individuals are provided with a safe and supportive environment to explore the roots of their self-critical tendencies.
One of the fundamental principles of therapy is the cultivation of self-awareness—the ability to observe our thoughts and feelings without judgement. By observing the patterns of self-criticism that pervade our minds, we begin to unravel the underlying beliefs and experiences that fuel them. Through this process of introspection and reflection, we discover that self-criticism often arises from a place of deep-seated insecurity or past traumas. Often it comes from a deep fear of being criticised by others, so early on in our lives we learn to beat others to it to prevent them from criticising or rejecting us.
Therapy provides us with invaluable tools to challenge and reframe our self-critical thoughts. Techniques such as cognitive restructuring help us identify the unhelpful thinking patterns that underpin our negative self-talk and replace them with a more balanced and realistic perspectives. Gradually, we learn to cultivate self-compassion – a gentle and nurturing voice that counteracts the harshness of self-criticism with kindness and understanding. It can give us that healthy voice to inspire and motivate us towards realistic, healthy self-improvement.
Perhaps the most powerful aspect of psychological therapy lies in its emphasis on self-acceptance and authenticity. We come to accept that self-criticism thrives in shame and self-doubt. By embracing our vulnerabilities and acknowledging our imperfections, we dismantle the barriers that fuel our inner critic’s relentless tirade. In doing so, we reclaim our power—the power to define ourselves on our own terms, free from the constraints of external judgment.
CONCLUSION
Psychological therapy is not about silencing the voice of self-criticism, but rather about setting limits on the current narrative and transforming it into a catalyst for self-compassion, growth, and self-discovery. By embracing our vulnerabilities with compassion and curiosity, we unlock the door to profound healing and self-empowerment. Through therapy we discover and learn that self-compassion is so much more effective to help encourage and motivate us towards self-improvement.
If you experience self-criticism and would like to speak to one of our team about this, get in touch today for a free, 15-minute telephone consultation.